Daily Diary

13.05.2026, Linköping, still all ugly grey weather, 7 degrees.

Life Drawing Session, Berlin, 2025

Isn't it funny that when there is no pressure to write, it works? That I just can think: Oh, you don't know what to do, but you somehow want to express yourself publicly, but also not too publicly. And then you just go to the blog part of your homepage and write.

Yesterday I was thinking a lot about how much and about what topic I censor myself here. And I want to see this diary writing as a practice to stop censoring myself. Why do I still censor myself? People could feel offended. Or judged (I have to say this is exactly what I am doing. Does that make me a bad person?). So, how ok is it to share my thoughts unfiltered? There is a reason that I don't post about this diary idea. I want people to read it. But do I want everyone to read it? I contemplated moving to an anonymous diary. And maybe I will. Or do you want to read about my darkest thoughts and ideas? Who knows. Because, to be serious, you are not reading this. Or do you?'

One aspect of this diary is also that I get no reaction on my newsletter. Literally non. Ok, sometimes people say something. I had a similar experience when I was doing a daily v-log. No reaction, and later on I learned that people where watching them. They just never said anything about it. I am also contemplating whether I should do that again. Or to do some podcast episodes. The question in all these endeavors is: Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for? This written blog I clearly do in addition to my personal writing. I just love to write. And I like to imagine that you are reading these lines. And that you, by reading these lines, see me a little. Sometimes I even fantasize about old lovers reading my lines (or spying on me on my social media). And sometimes they do. Unfortunately, the one I am longing to speak to mostly keep their ignorance up. Typical. It makes me smile. Smile about recognizing their style. And also smiling about my wish to still be as inspired by them as I was. There are several book ideas on that topic. I even planned a book with them together. But I got shunned. My theory is that I just started being "too" direct with them. Maybe there was something else. Who knows. There needs to be more art. And more poems (also many very much inspired by this person).

I truly believe that this blog - and the amount of which I allow myself to be uncensored (by myself) will unlock quite some creation. But how do I do this? How do I get over the idea that it would be the worst if someone would feel offended, missunderstood, sad about what I am writing here. And to be honest, I know that I am still writing kind of in the security of the dark of my unread blog. And still I fantasize about humans reading it. Reading me.

Maybe this blog is also a way of keeping myself company. Because in the town where I live (to be honest, it's probably the whole country) social interaction is quiet and limited. And if you didn't grow up together...

I am interested in humans who are different from me. But also like to communicate, have to say something, are onto something. And I would love to meet free spirits, poets, and some hot musicians. I would love to find a crowd that appreciates my nude art and who wants to talk with me about art. And sex. The two most beautiful topics. And everything human. Here I mainly create awkward silence. People becoming uncomfortable when I am my most uncensored self. Talking about my most holy topics. Life is short. Love is strong. Not sure why I write this. I miss a model I usded to draw a lot. A friend.

I am thinking about the many humans who inspired me. Some of them I just met briefly or even just online. I am longing for intense and deep conversation. So I converse with you, dear little white digital paper. There is passion in pressing these keys.

What else? The day job was ok today, because there was something to do and I felt useful. Now I am thinking about painting tiny watercolor paintings. Or maybe a color pencil drawing. We will see. It is still a challange to change from day-job to art. Not that topics still linger in my head. It is more that my "mode" has to change. And again, this is something maybe this blog can be helpful with. And if you can keep a secret: I am longing to write a novel. I don't really know why. I just would like to spend time writing. Maybe somewhere on the Swedish country side. With nature around and no wife. Or maybe a little wifi. There has been a beginning of a book. A crime story. A few years back (after loads of erotic short stories, jep, of course. Maybe I should publish those somewhere... Not sure whether I find them good enough though).

I long for company. I long for communication. Come and talk to me.

Especially if it is you. See you tomorrow,

Siri