This morning I looked out of the window into the grey sky and I decided: I stay an unknown artist. My reasons: I want to be an artist. I want to create, think, learn and experience life. There should be no limit on my creation. I want to learn how to sculpt, I want to learn how to print, I want to learn all the techniques I find interesting. I want to have deep discussions with other artists or like-minded. Or a drink. I want to widen my horizon. I want to learn about different points of views. I want to learn about culture. I want to understand humans. The world. I want to make music. Sing. Dance. Because it's a pleasure. And I don't want to become a marketing manager, a social media expert, an influencer, a business expert, a salesperson. I don't want to do a job "to be" an artist. I don't want to learn what the algorithm wants. I don't want to fight AI. I want to be an artist. Which means to me all the above. And I'm lucky. Because I have the opportunity through education, experience and gifts I got throughout life, to earn money a different way. And yes, of course, this does not mean that I don't want to sell art. I do want that. It feels like the icing on the cake. It feels like I touch someone with what I create. Like a bond between me and them. A shared human experience. And to be honest I don't really have to sell for this feeling. It happens anyways. Some time I came across a song which 100% expressed what I was feeling in this moment. And it made me feel understood and seen in my pain. Like I wasn't alone with it. Someone seeing my art might even feel like I make a mark in this world. And you never know who you are inspiring to do some really genius work, to change to a better way of feeling about themselves, or a better way of behaving towards others. Art can give hope. Art can relax you. It can make you feel less lonely. It can balance you by bringing into your life what you are missing. It might even be able to support encourage you to
become your best self.
And: "Touching, feeling, molding, knitting, gardening, painting... all of these manual tasks are really good for your brain. Not only are they fun but they actually produce endorphins, reducing your stress and anxiety levels."
Last week I experienced how much my day job sucks my mind into a world of problems which actually don't need to be so problematic. Which are not crucial to someone's life. But still we put so much importance into that. We stress ourselves due to expectations which might not even be ours.
The constant conundrum of "do-I-need-to-become-a-social-media-marketing-manager-superhero-influencer-and-to-sell-my art I call the clash between capitalism and human needs.
The need to create, the need to express yourself, the need to be seen, the need to have a purpose in life, the need to understand humans and the world, the need to rest. When we come from a point where our needs are not met, I believe we are vulnerable to envy. Which might lead you to produce stuff you think someone might want to buy. To step away from expressing yourself, to step away from what you can and have to bring to this world.
Art is human expression. It can shift your mind, touch you deeply make you and understand something about yourself or about the world. And this is not supported or hindered by whether it came from a very famous artist, an academic artist or first timer or if it is a creation from someone who does not even believe they are an artist. So there we are. Another ramble on what art is for me. Is that ramble even important? Is the ramble in my head actually important for myself? Yes, I think so. By writing and speaking these words I find out about myself. I feel less stressed. I feel more focused. I can come back to expressing myself instead of figuring out who would be pleased by seeing what. What is it actually that I want to do? What is it actually that I can and have to bring to this world. It is day two of three days of not working for money just focusing on what is. And the feeling of not having done enough is creeping into my room. I guess, I could tell it to go on a nice walk and have a cup of coffee. So I can do my work. See you later, Siri